Self-Exploration: Was I ever a Feminist?

(For Ayesha Khan with love, the Zog)
There she was. For the better part of the last three years I despised her. I couldn’t believe she lived the way she did. That she didn’t expect more out of herself, or of her children, of God, of anything. There she was babbling ignorantly about sarees, matching bangles, spoilt pickles, and the female next door. I would have brushed her aside yesterday, forgiving her for a lack of education. But people of my own age, I could be cruel. How could they want to give up their jobs after they got married? How could they say that “They would put their family first” after the State spent so much money on their education? How could they be so unbelievably satisfied with so little? Where was their drive? How could they be like this in the 21st century, after Y2K? Feminism had gone to the dogs.

Today things were different. The very feel of the air, the way the sky shone an electric blue seemed to signal awakening. It’s strange, but when a relationship is over or a new one made, do you ever notice that the object of your affection looks different? It might be the change in perspective, an innocent figment of your imagination, but there is a violent change shaking that perpetual sameness. Like a picture covered by a transparent plastic sheet. Once the sheet is removed, it looks the same and yet it’s naked, and you can’t seem to escape the fact. So she stood today, it took time to get used to such unabashed truth.
And the truth was: SHE WAS HER. AND I WAS ME.
And like a sword it pierced me: WHEN WERE YOU EVER A FEMINIST IF YOU CAN'T EVEN LOOK THAT WOMAN IN THE EYE?

Feminism has gone to the dogs. Any group with a crack under the surface cannot as a rule get anywhere. Before I went all-out male bashing, I had to quit female bashing. It was ok. The cop, the doc, the housewife, the rebel and the prostitute, we were all in the same boat. Real feminism was about giving women the power to do exactly what they chose to do. If she wants to croon lullabies and moon over her son’s first medal, it was upto her. What we as a group were trying to gift her was the ability to choose. If she wishes to be a goon or a mistress or a hired help, it was upto her. We were here to make sure the choices were safe and available. Just like the career-girl was given the rough ride half a century ago, here we were, giving the stay-at-home moms hell now. Just like the tomboy could never come out of her shell yesterday, the girly-girl keeps her eyes low today. It’s not ok to be dumb or blond or like Barbie dolls, to like poetry and embroidery, to want to stay neat and organized, to prefer pastel to navy, to choose Chanel over Brut. Why do we make life difficult for other women? Why do we stereotype them? Guys never make it difficult for nerds or playboys or blokes. With guys I guess it’s just the fear of gays. For the average 21st century feminist, being feminine, watching soaps, not having crushes, being virgin when you’re married and being a teetotaler are all punishable offenses. Besides the numero uno offense-not placing your career over the family. Guys do that too. It’s just they sacrifice the career of their choice to keep the family together. Same offense-different style. Other guys don’t mind.

It’s time we got the act together. As feminists true to ourselves, what we have to do first is make women feel at home in their traditional roles, convincing them they are no less than other women with careers. We have to fix our sights on educating women to better perform these roles and educating men not to treat these women like dirt. They had other options. They chose this one. Considering that a significant majority of women all over the world are performing traditional roles, a boost to their morale could only further the cause of feminism. The movement was conceived as a tool to empower women and enrich their lives. At least the latter objective would be partially realized by our move and it would pave the way to the former. It’s simple but it’s effects would be like a tidal wave washing over all of humanity. If today we choose to give these women the respect they deserve, to acknowledge them as a part of the movement, it would do no end of good to the spirit of the woman of tomorrow.

Eve chose to eat the apple. What people often forget is that Adam had a choice too. Women have been crucified long enough for that one choice at the very beginning. It’s time other women stop crucifying them. Leave that to men and the devil. And as to God, he banished both from the garden. And I think the additional sentence of nine months of labour on Eve is bull. Since she had the strength to take her own decision, God knew only she would have the strength to bring forth life, from which all else begins.