OUR GUY

It is difficult to be the only guy in a house full of women. Add to this inherent “maleness” an above average intelligence, and life can become almost intolerable. This article is to commemorate my Father’s surviving in such a defunct household for nearly a quarter century. Let me introduce you to the aforementioned women. My Mother-Saint in disguise, very spiritual, great cook, thriving socialite, hates to have anything to do with accounts. The Nandhu- Exemplary student, perpetually cheerful disposition, wildly fluctuating maturity levels. Me, the Zog- angry young woman, rebel without a cause, emotionally unstable, anti-social. The three of us together are a heady combination. When we were really, really small, I guess my Dad thought child rearing was a piece of cake. A steady, long stare from him was good enough to keep us at our best behaviour for hours together. However, the moment we developed a mind of our own, or rather, a mindlessness of our own, life became hell for Papa. It began late one September, when I developed the “Barbie doll” mania. It is a phase most girls go through. Suddenly, everything is pink, from their tiffin box to their shoes, and all over the place are pictures, accessories and plastic figurines of “Barbie.” This was not easy on my Dad’s pocket, or his health. The moment a doll or her accessory was denied me, right there, in the middle of the toy shop, I would pout, my face would swell and then, my tiny, frail form would vibrate with the most heart-rending sobs. My Dad just had to give in. In a matter of three years I accumulated every variety of “Barbie” on the market from here to Timbuktu. My Dad watched fearfully should my sister develop a similar fever. This time it was worse. For the Nandhu had developed a fetish for electronic goods, not dolls. Every time we crossed a showroom, she would throw a tantrum. Fridges, vacuum cleaners, irons, TVs, VCRs, she wanted everything. My Dad would try reasoning with her that we already had these things. She would shake her head. NO, she wanted this one. Of course, she was forced to see reason with a pinch under her arm or a whack on her bottom. But I must say, we have accumulated a lot of weird appliances, thanks to her. Some of them would include a pocket vacuum cleaner, an on-the-go waffle maker and a jumbo size deep-fryer. The Zog’s pre-adolescence was marked by a long series of slumber parties and an even longer series of sob sessions following them. Either it was “ABC said this...”or “XYZ said that...” However, not going and avoiding all the misery was never an option. Daddy would puzzle over it as his baby girl strutted off for the next party. Off course, infinitely worse were the days when it was the Zog’s turn to “host” the party. Besides an endless stream of girls of all shapes and sizes pouring into the house, the mess they leave in their trail, and the trouble of keeping them fed (very difficult), there was the question of listening not just to your daughter crying but at least 10 others (some of them with complaints about your little angel.) Meanwhile your wife runs around the house trying to get the younger child to wear at least one article of clothing besides her Stars and Stripes plastic knickers. Daddy begins to grey. Final year of prep school ushers in an era of relative peace except for the Nandhu’s occasionally taking the computer apart and being unable to reassemble it. It is, however, not long lived. One fine day, the Zog comes running home from school screaming “Blood cancer! Blood cancer!” Daddy is worried and his brow, furrowed. What was the matter? Was she alright? Is she really ill? He watches nervously as the girl’s Mother escorts her to her room. He listens to the occasional noises that emanate from behind closed doors. Screams, wails, sobs, whines, silence. An hour later Ma tells him that the Zog is growing up. Thus begins an era of female code language. Growing up? Of course he knew she was growing up! Women! The Mother proceeds to call her parents and sisters in India. Now the sun rises. Aaaah! The Zog is growing up. My Dad feels distinctly out of place. While my Mom is busy on the phone ruining my life, my Dad is given more to worry about- International phone bills. More grey hair. Soon the Nandhu is all grown up too. My Dad feels even more excluded from the family circle. There are days when all three women are afflicted by mysterious stomach aches and are cranky all day long. When my Dad volunteers that these things happen, and that we must try to ignore them, three angry women glare at him. The intensity of their stares could roast him alive. He sheepishly withdraws inside his newspaper. What my Father dislikes the most must still be grocery lists that run like, Bread…1 packet, apple…1 kg, Whisper….2 large cartons (with wings). Somewhere in high school, most girls develop the “save the world” syndrome. Their male counterparts however, settle for something far more realistic like forming a world famous rock band or joining the Indian cricket team. This period is marked by a string of youth groups, political parties and ideologies, that poor Dad too is forced to adhere to. Initially the idea was to save the environment. Besides being bombarded day in and day out with policies to maintain ecological balance and reasons to boycott U.S. goods, Daddy was bullied into total vegetarianism and no-deodorant-use (They release harmful CFCs into the environment- Green house effect dummy!) for nearly six months. The girls soon figure that saving the environment is futile if all humans did not get equal access to it. Thus followed a short communist phase. Thankfully, this had no practical implications. For the period of a year, it was fashionable to quote Karl Marx, have a crush on Che Guerra and claim that “The Motorcycle Diaries” is your favourite movie. The relief was short lived however. The next phase was the worst by far-THE FEMINIST FANATIC Phase. For Daddy it must have been nauseating. For a period of four years he symbolized all that was evil and disgusting in the world, for no fault of his own. (He was, and still is, quite liberal considering his background.) Things did not look pretty. Papa’s grey hair was running into three digits. As a final feminist statement, the Zog decides to study in Ranchi, a place most people back home still considered to be a part of Bihar, and therefore unsafe for girls. Three months later, as she trudged to E.D. class, neatly oiled twin plaits and mismatched salwar suit, she knew her statement was going to cost her. Meanwhile, back home, the Nandhu prepared for her 10th boards. Between the constant phone calls from Ranchi complaining about everything from the mess food to the Prof’s wardrobes (ISD phone bills! ISD phone bills!) and the Nandhu’s nervous attacks at home, the remainder of Daddy’s black hair turned grey. My Mother’s beating on her chest and praying did not help the situation. Three years down the line, the frequency of phone calls from Ranchi did reduce. However, this is overly compensated by phone calls from Mangalore. The Nandhu had joined medical college. She calls every half minute to tell her beloved “Acha” things other girls would have figured eons ago. “Dada, people drink in college!” “Dada, my friends have boy friends and they are only 19.” “Dada, people go clubbing in college. I am so scared! Why are people so bad?” Dad’s going from grey to white. What next? Could things get any worse? Well no prizes for guessing, it did. Oh no! The elders back home in Kerala want the Zog to get married. My Dad raises his eyes to heaven and asks, “Why me?” Dad tries to broach the subject with the Zog. To his horror, the Zog has finally developed the faculty of logic. Dear God! What did B.I.T. do to her?! She could actually reason things out (to her own advantage of course). Nothing her Daddy says can convince her. In fact, she has different plans altogether. “See Daddy! I will do my M.S., then my Ph.D. and in the meantime, I will free lance part time for the “TIMES” and “New Scientist”. When I have a tidy sum saved up I will invest in a studio cum library cum……..and then win the Nobel Prize when I am 25. Daddy, marriage is sure to interfere with all my plans.” “Yes, yes. I understand,” he says wearily. In his mind, he thinks, “Do I? What on earth is she talking about? And yet a minute ago she tore my argument into shreds, so she must have some sense. Besides, she is my daughter. That is not the point, the point is…..” Meanwhile my Mom sits at the hall table, her eyes fixed on Daddy, full to the brim with tears “I hate doing accounts!”

Supercalafragelisticexpialidocious!

So it happened like this!
She was eloping to Nairobi with her Alien boy friend from Sector X of galaxy Nova Beta and I just happened to meet her on the Calcutta Express.
Naaa! Not as dramatic as you would imagine.
Difficult to believe, but the following is the true story with all the murky details.

She was my geeky, Kajol look-alike, brackety-teeth, perverted-joke-master senior. I was the shy, introverted junior. ;)
Damn! This is beginning to sound like one of those love stories that I know I just don't want to finish reading. For the record, this is not a love story.
Yet anything I try, to explain the single most profound and at the same time perplexing?! moment of my adult life, looks cliche.
There she was in the midst of this chaotic whirl of sheets, books, files, paper, chords, more chords, was there more than one laptop? I am tempted to say laptops. The most insanely disorganized room I have ever seen. And on top of all this, and I swear, still very much in control, was this chubby figure in a grey t-shirt and navy blue shorts.
I was doing what a typical junior does:-bootlicking my recent United States-returned elder counterpart (by two days). I was going through the routine, vaguely intrigued, appalled, disgusted and at the very same time secretly admiring the fact, that after two months in the US of A, somehow the one thing she brought back with her was a very distinct memory of the cream cheese bagels and the brownies. After our session, I was terribly hungry, terribly fascinated and terribly waiting for another chance to bootlick.:)
Well it happened that my peculiar brand of bootlicking was a winner as far as this grey t-shirt wearing, on-top-of-total-chaos-perching senior was concerned.

I was soon to be become an integral part of the whirlwind that was Tanima Dubey's room.
The following months (years?) went by in a rush and the only mind numbing sensation that remains is that I want them back.

When I happened to feel low, a worn and battered copy of Linda Goodman was thrust into my hand, dog eared, highlighted, penciled and asterisked at the Aries section.

Do you guys know how fabulous we Arians are? You have no idea. We are by far the best sign in the Zodiac (no offense intended). All of us are so cool, so much fun to be with, I mean we're perfect!............

Yikes! Before all of you start throwing brickbats at me, I didn't mean any of that. Its just Linda Goodman makes us look so awesome. All you Arians out there, here's some sincere advice - beg, borrow, steal, tear the Aries section of Linda Goodman and keep it with you. It is a tue friend for life.

Besides the above infallable advice, Tanima introduced me to the mysterious rites of dietary hedonism. Her philosophy:The moment that you feel so completely full, you feel you can't breathe, at that point gulp another last spoonful of food. That extra serving indicates utter and complete satiation, the moment when you know you cannot possibly be more satisfied, your threshold- that euphoric point which is most appropriate for yet another act of hedonism- Unecessary rest. Snore!

The one thing about the female that baffles me to this day is the absolutely careless way in which she professes to love Govinda and Miles Davis at the same time? One of the most terrifying experiences I have had in hostel (I still have recurrent nightmares) was when two Banshee like apparitions with loose hair and crazy pajamas cornered me and performed each and every Govinda number ever released in what I think was chronological order. From "Aa aa ee oo oo ooo" to "Zshoom! Akhiyon se Gholin Mari!" there is no Govinda number I can honestly claim to never have heard before.

Sitting on the canteen mushroom, eating Pakodi and chai, cracking the craziest jokes, which were in retrospect not particularly funny, but we laughed anyway, and so heartily....like I have not laughed a long time since.

On our crazy, themed birthday parties, from "Amazonion tribes" and "Back to the nursery" to "Mochachocacaffeineshottaholic" and "Begging for Gifts", Tanima was our little vitamin pill, the Princess Xena, the one toddler who had too much chocolate cake and pepsi goes berserk, the caffeine in the coffee, the zing in the gifts that made them worth begging for, she was the unnacountable, mysterious X factor. The life of the party. The punch line of the joke. The unidentifiable twang in the Punch.

All the time I've known her, she always knew how to hold her head, no matter what on earth was happening around her. Solid as a rock. And yet so soft and vulnerable.

The female who can rewrite a six month project overnight if her hard disk crashed and yet get teary towards the end of "Pretty Woman."

The female who can go to her lab in her pajamas and yet loves to dress up in brocade saris and chunky ethnic jewellery, and to top it off, strut around the hostel corridoors in her favourite pied piper stilettos the day before the exam.

The female who can be demure, witty and sauve as the situation demands and yet crack the worst pjs possible when shes alone with her beloved hoggers.:)

We've been the best gal pals (cliche again) since that fateful day, and from crazy face packs to crazy crushes, we've been through it all together. Thats the thing isnt it? Being together. Two continents couldn't tear us apart. So then nothing really could.

There is the research, demanding bosses, the usual suspects-marriage,husbands,children-but somehow I know we will survive it all together, no matter how far apart we may be, physically.

She's there to watch out for me and I'm there for her, like those crazy sisterhood pacts during World War II. Prick your fingers and mix the blood and all that crap. We never needed any of those cocky rituals. We just were.

Both of us turn 23 this year. She called me up and remarked that she felt terribly old.

I feel that way too this year. As if a part of my life I once knew is morphing into a faint memory. When did I grow up?!Its like the in between part didn't happen. Im the giant bean stalk from Jack's magic beans.

I understand her feeling old.

The two of us are doing research. We don't party. We actually like to work as much as we can. (I can see a million index fingers pointing this way:NERD!) We like to knit and cook and keep things clean and see things are planned out in advance, way in advance. How much more boring can life get right?

But like Hathi once said, Tanima is that girl at the college alumni party, that everyone asks for- the hippy, whacky, amusing bundle of energy who always intrigued everyone back then, still fresh in their memory, morphed into the graceful 30 some-thing that every guy and girl in the party begs to be introduced to.

Aging gracefully is a gift.

And Tanima has it aplenty, what I like to refer to as her mojo.

Switching from the quintessential Kajol look-a-like "life of the party" lass to the "Sauve, sophisticated" Vicky beckham+5 pounds scientist took hardly a month. Mind over matter.

For thats what she is, a woman, phenomenally.

And so, here's to my most supercalafragelisticexpialidocious friend ever!

Hip hip Hurray!

Hip hip Hurray!

Hip hip Hurray!

Day 5....

Sorry folks... I didnt pay my interent bill and my connection got cut off for a day. (Blushing) Well lets get on with it then. 1. Name the world's oldest novel and its author. 2. Name Norway's claim to fame in the world of International cuisine. 3. Name the only surviving sanskrit theatre tradition. 4. Name a popolar war dance, the national dance of the largest country in the Arabian peninsula, performed annually at the Jenadriyah festival. 5. Name the first African Nobel leaureate in Literature. Where is he from? 6. Name the most world reknowned school of Australian indigenous art. Their work is often referred to as dot painting. 7. Avocado based relish or dip of Aztec origin. Name it. 8. The undeciphered glyphs of a volcanic island may be one of four independant inventions of writing in human history. The island is also famous for its Moai. 9. The northern most year round communities on earth are housed in this region of Greenland. Name it. 10. Name the national dance of Venezuela.

Day 6.....

1. Identify the music being played as a theme for Maleficient. Also name the composer. 2. This playful and very popular ad by Claire Danes and her Evening co-star features the voice of one of yesterday's nightingales. Name her. One of her other songs is the theme for a popular British sitcom based on relationships. Which song is it? Name the sitcom. 3. Please don't bother to watch the inane dialogue. I can't believe my darlings could mouth dialogues so dull. The whole point is the song. It is the signature song of one of Europe's most famous singers. Name her. 4. Ok Ok. Agreed I am a mallu, but Hindi mainstream just manages to engulf all the rest of the Indian film Industry. I thought they deserved a chance. Come on...Trust me its not a mall thing. I was planning to force feed you Tamil but the good stuff didnt have all these nice subtitles n stuff. Neways, back to the question. Who sang the song? What is peculiar to this singer? Besides, this movie is famous for the debut of two talented youngsters. Name them. (Anyways it was a critically acclaimed Indian movie, so you guys cant use mall as an excuse. :P) 5. Identify the music used in the trailer and the artists. 6. This ones too damn easy. But still, just to prove I'm a generous soul. What song? What artist? 7. Name the performers. What is the one common thread between them?

8. Again a runaway prize. Just name the composer of this piece. In the movie, the tempo or nature of this music changes as things occur? Explain the relationship.

9. What is the stringed instrument the Sister Geisha is playing called?

10. Name the song and the band. The notes of this paricular song have been lifted off a very popular Nirvana number. Which one is it?

Day 7...

Ok people

So here's what you have to do. The paintings are numbered 1,2...etc from the top of the post.

You just name 'em, tell me who the artist/creator was or in case of 2,3 and 4, the school of art or style of the work. And you're in.

Easy enough, I daresay?

And they're fantastic, are'nt they?

Ooh! I forgot. The 9th pic was a sort of very famous cryptic painting. So can't let you guys get away so quick. Spot 3 symbolic references in it and what they reference to and 5 bonus points, I swear!

So off you go....:)

Day 8

I really wanted to experiment with the quiz format a bit, but really not getting anywhere. Maybe not having an exam to do tomorrow would allow the creativity Gods to descend on me. But as things go we'll have to go on with the present routine for at least two more days. So I never told you where I wanted you to send your answers. As a comment to my blog is too public..... My! Are'nt we competitive today?:) Send it in to zogdelabog@gmail.com. Okay so all set? Here we go 1. I have 37 gears of which 30 survive Lone survivor of an ancient wreck I have been named the first mechanical computer. 2. "Like the silicon chips of more recent years, the Feynman diagram was bringing computation to the masses." This quote is a reference to the thinly veiled competition between to intellectual giants of our age. If I asked you who they were, I would be too kind. Instead I ask you what their disagreement was about. 3. The treatise that first established the difference between chemistry and alchemy is__________ 4. "Wigner's friend" and "Quantum suicide" are variants of which popular thought experiment? 5."Conspicuous Consumption" and "Conspicuous leisure" were first introduced in this famous book. Name it. This book is also considered the first critique of _______ 6. "In some sort of crude sense, which no vulgarity, no humor, no overstatement can quite extinguish, the physicists have known sin, and this is a knowledge which they cannot lose." So any guesses as to whose speech this was a part of? 7. The above instrument (pictured) is based on what physical principle? 8. Given credit for a range of advances from MRIs and CT Scans to the Information revolution, he was also a two time swedish academy award winner. Who is he? And you're a ninny if you don't know the answer. :P 9. This scientist was home schooled, did not have the money to persue a doctorate and hence worked as a lab technician for many years, and ;) with his equally bralliant wife tried to understand the science behind seances (psychical phenomena). Name him. 10. Name the first economic treatise ever written. Also name the author. Today's theme is again obvious. But I would suggest reworking after you do all the quizzes to get a better fit.

Day 9

1. Firmitas, Utilitas, Venestas, The maxim that led to inscribing our form in the fundamental geometric patterns of the cosmic order. The first architect also lent his name to Selene's mole. Who is he? 2. Identify the picture at above. What, when, where? The place where this fountain is located is modelled on a popular motif. What is it? 3. The nest in which the owner is the elevated centre of his own universe is often referred to as the ____________ style. Often described as a centralized block raised on an elevated podium, accessed by grand steps and flanked by lower service wings. 4. "But why this term "America" has become representative as the name of these United States at home and abroad is past recall. Samuel Butler fitted us with a good name. He called us Usonians, and our Nation of combined States, Usonia." Ayn Rand Japanes inspiration Tie the three clues above together. Are you thinking what I'm thinking? ;) 5. Name the first buildings to be built intentionally inclined in the world? 6. Stairway to the heavens built by one rumoured to be the Joseph of the Old Testament. What is it? 7. This one's for Dubey. The University of Glasgow has a house built based on a design by this artist of the Vienna Secession. Who was he? 8. These royals were known for buiding unique dravidian temples designed on the rock cut architectural paradigm. They ruled from Manyakheta, Gulbharga Dt. Who were they and name their most enduring monument? 9. My home is where the kettle boils, True test to an able swordsman Sheild against a foe Humble I lay myself to service, like many others before me. Tiny paces, racing chidren, old woman and cane, dragging slowly, I've known them all. Who am I? 10. The term used to describe a new concept of design popularized by one of America's most beloved "Uncles", is a portmanteau word that underlies the magic of the World's most popular dream factory. It recognizes the synthesis of multiple crafts and expertise that go into the making of a dream. The theme on this one seems apparent. But I'm sneaky and I hate people running away with a quickie, so I would suggest looking deeper for a shakier theme which neverthless might help you tie all 10 quizzes together. :)

And the Countdown begins....

Day 10.... Ten days to the most phenomenal, earth shattering event of 2008. Stay tuned.... Till then here's 10 trivia Qs to keep you occupied..... 1. "Playmate to a princess, yet a nobody, My many dreams, the first of their kind to grace the Louvre, Brought to celluloid life by the union of Japanese and American strokes Forgotten today, in old archives, it seems, I am finally banished forever to Slumberland." 2. The author of one of the most original autobiographies of recent years, I am known for a signature self-portrait on the book jacket, the simple basic lines of my work, my focus on the trials and tribulations of a particular nation in increasing international focus due to its recent political moves, and the stunning reception to the film adaptation of my work earlier this year/late last year. My latest work is named after a popular womens' hobby. Who am I? 3. Focussing on the woes and further woes of an often ignored faction of society, this strip rose to fame in one of the most famous college campuses in the world. Named after a mark of distinction bestowed for deeds of valour :P, the work mainly focusses on stereotypes within its target audience. The creator has launched a lecture series recently which features in the strip. What is the series called? 4. This popular digest had its debut in blue, green and yellow, graphics, translated to more than 20 languages and was originally released as a fortnightly of 30 pages. It was conceived as a means to educate a subcontinent about its folklore as oral traditions were rapidly dying. 5. The motifs of his work showed an environmental sensitivity that often left you with an aching sense of loss and followed storlines unusual to his medium. The leads were often young adolescent girls and the the characters though inhabiting a fantasy world were realistic in terms of their moral ambiguity. Flight and extensive forays into vast expanses of animated landscapes are one of his signatures. Voted one of the most infleuntial Asians by the TIMES who is he? 6. The brainchild of the grandaddy of the comic book industry, this side kick of the masked crime fighter drew extensive criticism for promoting racial stereotypes. It could partly be blamed on his name. What was it? 7. The first movie of its kind to be nominated for best picture at the Academy Awards, it is also regarded as a strong metaphor for AIDS. Name this picture. 8. "Food, love, mom and work." These four groups feature prominently in the life of which popular comic strip character? 9. Beauty and the beast in reverse, Life is like an onion, Yiddish for fear, ? 10. Created by the pioneer of American adult animation, the technique has recently been used to enhance a number of independant films, one of which is based on George Santayana's maxims and the other based on a science fiction novel by Phillip. K. Dick. What is the technique called? Ok! So far so good! The idea now is to tie all this together and come up with a theme that ties them together. The remaining 9 quizzes will follow a similiar pattern. The ensemble answer may be worth your while.....I'm not saying anything. :)